Heeeere's your sign!

If you're a fan of comedy, then surely you've heard of Bill Engvall. If you're a southerner, then you can probably relate to his sketch on identifying idiots called "Here's your sign". Being from Georgia and now living in Alabama, I run into specimens I would swear were his inspiration on a daily basis.
But I must admit, I found myself deserving a sign of my own after learning I was pregnant.

I first found out when I was almost 5 weeks along and quite sincerely had no idea, which is a little bit better than those chicks on the Discovery channel claiming they didn't know they were pregnant 'til the kid called them by name. After the urine and blood tests told me as much though, my hindsight kicked it up a notch and I recalled a number of symptoms that should have tipped me off sooner:

Here's your sign #1 - I threw up randomly while driving down the street one day. And I mean random - without the mouth-watering notice that typically affords you enough time to run for the bathroom or find something to barf in. I attributed it to the fact that I had started exercising and had changed my diet drastically, not realizing that this was the first clue that I my eggo was preggo.

#2 - My hands and feet itched like crazy - maybe ka-razzzzy is a better descriptor because they felt like they were on fire and no amount of scratching or running them under cold water quelled it. Turns out this is a side effect of pregnancy that my older sister also experienced. I attributed it to the fact that I had started jogging and training for a 5k and my hands and feet were simply swelling after exercise. Here's me at my first 5k and unknowingly about 2 weeks preggo:

#3 - I got raging heartburn a couple of times after eating meat, which was completely foreign to a carnivore like me. There again, I blamed it on the change in diet and the fact that I'd cut down on my meat consumption significantly.

#4 - I woke up three nights in a row at 2:00 am from a dead sleep feeling like there was a bottomless pit in my stomach that had to be filled. I wasn't ambitious enough to get out of bed and fill said hole, so I just drank some water from the bedside and went back to sleep. Though it was puzzling, I assumed that my training and diet had just increased my metabolism (I'd lost 15 pounds in one month!). I resolved to start eating breakfast earlier in the day and that seemed to make the late night growling disappear.

#5 - My period, which traditionally arrived every 22nd day was a no show on its' ETA. My deluded self thought this simply meant that diet and exercise were the missing ingredients to a routine 28-30 day cycle. I even saw my skin improve with the new regimen, which was previously giving me routine breakouts.

What an idiot!
Heeeere's your sign!