Gross vs Net?

Have you ever paid close attention to the numbers on your pay stub?

I usually don't.

Unfortunately, I work in a field that believes paychecks are needed only once a month, so by the time my paycheck arrives, I'm so relieved to have SOMEthing, ANYthing that I don't pay any attention to the fine print on my check. I just care that there's no minus sign before the amount.

For some odd reason though, I peeked at all those tiny lines above my check amount this past month. And I kinda wish I hadn't.

I make a decent living, so that's certainly a plus. But there were a whole lot of minuses that made me completely forget the pluses. State tax, federal tax, short term disability (that's really just there in case I ever require maternity leave again, since my employer doesn't offer that benefit....apparently birthing a child is considered a disability! But, hey, it's only short-term, so at least I can look forward to a cure or healing.), insurance, retirement, yada yada yada. One quarter of my gross earnings disappears before I ever see it.

Thinking about this depressing payout made me think about my miscarriage, too. They seem a lot alike. I'm working a whole lot of hours for something that can be taken away in a matter of moments...for something that can disappear before I ever even get the chance to see it, much less hold it in my hands.

What's perhaps the most depressing about it is that those negatives, though painful, seem so big that they outweigh the positives.....when in reality they truly don't. I can quit my job and start working "under the table" and storing my money in coffee tins buried in my backyard, sure. I can give up on the idea of ever being a biological mom and send my husband for a vasectomy. But are either of those truly going to eliminate all those negatives, or just create a new set?

Regardless, I've got to keep in mind that whether or not I'm looking at the glass as half full or half empty, at least it's got something in it. Just like my pay check. Maybe one day I'll be able to say the same about my uterus :)