Just say no to clear heels!

While we don't know for certain that we're having 2 girls, the clues are pointing in that direction so far. And I'm terrified.

I'm terrified of a lot of things that my kids will more than likely face in their lifetime: overly dramatic friendships, drugs, broken hearts, speeding tickets, the possibility of a learning disability, embarassment, peer pressure, a lack of adventure, and the list goes on.

I'm already stepmom to a son and daughter, and they're as different as night and day. Even seeing the differences and challenges with males and females, I can honestly say that I have no gender preferences. True to the cliche, I just want healthy babies.

However, I am still fearful of having girls. There seems to be a lot more pressure raising "ladies". I've often heard it said that when you have a boy at least you only have to worry about one penis, but when you have a girl, you have to worry about everyone else's penis. What does that do for my worry level if we're having 2 girls on top of the daughter we already have. Exactly how many penises does that mean I have to worry about with 3 daughters (Or is it peni?? What is the plural of penis exactly?)? No wonder my poor father lost his hair after being dad to 5 girls. Yikes!

Here lately though, my greatest fear for them relates to their career ambitions. I'm sure I'll encourage them to follow their passions and never set limits. They can be lawyers, teachers, vets, soldiers, nurses, or whatever. I don't care. Just please don't be strippers.

True, there are far more seedy professions than stripping, and I mean no offense to those in that "calling", or those who have relied on it to make ends meet. Nonetheless, I'm fearful that these 2 kiddos may be destined for clear heels with slits for tips.

Why such a a gloomy prediction you may ask?

Because I've become a dancer since I've become knocked up. If I were interested in dancing to Debussy's Clair du Lune I wouldn't be so worried. I might even predict that I could be birthing some ballerinas.

But that's not the music I'm drawn to lately. I'm constantly in the mood for booty music - you know, hip hop that makes you want to move your hips and shake your tush. The problem is that I'm not such a great dancer, so I only do it when I feel like no one is watching....typically while I'm driving down the road. Please pay no attention to the crazy lady in the white Murano "gettin' down" on JR Allen Parkway. I can just imagine these 2 ladies inside my belly shakin' it like the baby in this video:

When I was younger, I had no shame in dancing wherever/whenever - living room, homecoming dance floor, hotel ball room, truck tail gate, or bar table tops, you name it...I probably graced its' surface with my dirty bare feet and unoriginal moves at some point in my youth. I've developed a greater sense of reality and limitations since I've aged though. I'm not the best dancer. I still love to dance. I just prefer not to do it while others eyes are watching. I shouldn't care, I know. They say "dance like no one's watching", but I struggle with that anyway. Maybe I would've struggled with it more when I was younger, too, if I didn't often have a drink in one of my hands waving in the air off beat....ahhhhh, the college days!

I don't want to wish bad things on my kids, but maybe the genetic combination of my reluctant dance moves and the hubs' refusal to do anything with his feet other than kick a clutch will destine the twins to a life of bad rhythm and two left feet....then they'll have no choice but to say no to clear heels!

Here's hoping........